Monday, 7 June 2010

Damaged Goods

I wont apologies for not writing – it gets dull starting every blog with the same apology but thank you to those who nudged me and asked me to post.

Let me start with updates:

Daughter _ The whirlwind is now 16 mnths old? 18mnths? In honesty I am really not good at keeping track of these things. It seems to be a question I am asked at least twice a week – how old is your little girl? I still am never really sure – it seems to change on a daily basis. There is however a reason for all these questions about age. It allows for what I have discovered is the widest running competition in the world – who’s child is better. When a parent asks you how old your child is what they are actually saying is:
a) wow your child is really slow, my child is brilliant and was doing that ages before your child.
b) Wow your child is well ahead of mine; I hate you and hope you get hit by a bus.

Clearly I am beyond this kind of compettive parenting, I am happy for the whirlwind to develop at her own pace and really don’t give two hoots about how she is doing on some scale which measures every detail of her behavior and skills against an imagined list of goal posts that she must rush through in a race against other children. Of course if it was a race she would be winning – if I was comparing she would be ahead…but im not…not me…not for a minute…

Work I wont go into to much detail, enough to say that I am doing two days a week work in a business that I disagree with on almost every level. It hurts me even to think about it right now.

Mostly: Mostly its really okay I am just getting through one day follows another and the world slides around and I just watch it turn – today even as I write this I am overwhelmed by a sense of loss of all the might have beens and could have beens. It seems right now that writing about it – looking my life in the face is all to much for me so I will sign of as quickly as I signed on and vanish again for a while.